Reassurance isn’t the problem. We all need reassurance sometimes. The question is: what are you asking reassurance to do? If you carry an abandonment schema, another person can tell you they love you, want you, and aren’t leaving and it may still only quiet the fear temporarily. Then their tone changes. A text takes longer. They need space. And suddenly: “My abandonment system is activated” becomes “I’m being abandoned.” That distinction matters. Security isn’t becoming certain that nobody will
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Reassurance isn’t the problem. We all need reassurance sometimes. The question is: what are you asking reassurance to do? If you carry an abandonment schema, another person can tell you they love you, want you, and aren’t leaving and it may still only quiet the fear temporarily. Then their tone changes. A text takes longer. They need space. And suddenly: “My abandonment system is activated” becomes “I’m being abandoned.” That distinction matters. Security isn’t becoming certain that nobody will
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